This picture popped up on my memories from this day two years ago. This dear lady Manang Mina is from the village we had been living in up in the north of the Philippines before we had to leave. She spoke Ga’dang and Ilocano, I spoke Tagalog and was in the process of learning Ilocano. We could communicate only at a very low level and yet somehow I felt a connection with this lady. She would bring her daughter-in-law to be a go-between though Tagalog so we could talk. She arranged her other daughter-in-law to be my language helper so I could learn to speak Ilocano. She sat in my kitchen one day and asked when I would start teaching them. I wanted nothing more than to do that. This picture was taken early one morning in her house when I brought her up some homemade bread after she had given me some food. In a culture that wasn’t so verbal about their thanks, actions were the way to show gratefulness, time was a gift to be given and received. I sat on that little step in her house and I wanted to know her so much more. I wanted to understand her heart, her fears, her world view, so I could one day with greater understanding help lead her to her Redeemer. .
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The morning after Danny found the tumor, we were packing a bag and gathering what we needed for what we thought was a quick one week trip to Manila. The helicopter flew in to get us at 7am. I had a niggling feeling in my heart that we may not be back. I vividly remember standing outside my front door and seeing this dear lady further down the road carrying something from the little store. I so wanted to call out to her to tell her why we were flying to Manila, to tell her goodbye in case we didn’t come back, but I didn’t have the language to communicate to her. I didn’t want it to be awkward and so I stood and watched her pick her steps through the muddy trail until I could see her no more.
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If I could go back to that moment, I’d run and fling my arms around her not worried how awkward it may be or how little I could explain. I’d just want her to know how much I cared for her. .
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Will you continue to pray with me for the Ga’dang people of the Philippines? Each soul precious to the Lord.
As I walked by the lake this morning I was amazed at the beauty. It’s just a lake and yet here it was silently displaying and reflecting glory from above. .
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As I walked and prayed I thought how much more should we; children of God, the redeemed, the set apart, image bearers of God reflect His majesty. .
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We can live these lives, caught up so much in the emotions of the here and now the busyness of packing lunches, getting to work, doing the groceries and fail to remember our lives have a purpose in each and every moment to know God, glorify Him and be a testament of His grace and truth. .
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Our worship for Him is not saved for Sunday mornings, when we clean ourselves up, put on our best clothes and sing holy songs. We are called out to live worshipful lives in a broken world, because He has cleansed us, clothed us with His righteousness and all of our activity now flows out from our identity in Christ. He is our strength and our song. .
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I grocery shop as a child of God - that changes my behaviour and reactions to the people I meet. .
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I pack my kids lunches, set apart for my Heavenly Father to live a holy life, and that affects the purpose I feel about my day.
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I study for the classes I am teaching, as a follower and disciple of Jesus, learning to seek His will and His way. .
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My life is not my own and that is a glorious, freeing, amazing truth that I never want to forget. I belong to Jesus and I want to reflect His goodness, His grace, His truth and His love. Obedience is the key. Surrender is the way. Worship is the heart. .
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“If it all reveals Your nature so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You say
Every painted sky
A canvas of Your grace
If creation still obeys You so will I
So will I” .
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Sometimes I go to God and say, "God, if Thou dost never answer another prayer while I live on this earth, I will still worship Thee as long as I live and in the ages to come for what Thou hast done already. God’s already put me so far in debt that if I were to live one million millenniums I couldn’t pay Him for what He’s done for me.
A.W. Tozer
O Lord, more of this and less of me. How quickly we can feel like we are entitled to purpose, results, outcomes and answers to our prayers. But gratefulness to our Saviour always leads us humbly home to His grace. Lord help me not to seek what I think I deserve, but to give fully to You in joyful surrender, because You are forever worthy. .
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(📷 Izzy and Judah, Philippines 2017)
What am I seeking? .
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I seek their happiness. I seek to be a good Mom. I want them to be secure. I don’t want them to face more disappointments and fears. I want them to be free from pain and worry. .
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But try all I want to make that happen - I can’t. I can’t protect them for the results of a fallen and sinful world. I can’t shield them from sadness and fear, its everywhere. .
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But I can seek God’s Kingdom here on this earth. In the midst of all the pain, sorrow, disappointments and insecurities I can seek His way through it all. Keeping our eyes firmly fixed on Him - our Saviour - with grateful hearts we stand on grace and truth as our guide. His perfect love casts out all fear, His grace is enough, He is our shield, our strength and He is our song. .
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I’ve realised lately how much I want to make our plans according to their little hearts; what’s best for them. Except I can’t be the answer to their hearts. I do not know what is eternally best for them - but God does and I can trust Him fully with His plans for their lives. .
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His will for our life is not separate from His will for theirs. Our good and loving Heavenly Father who asked us to pick up our cross and follow Him, knew these two little ones would be following right along beside us. When I believe His plans are good, I am believing they are also what is good and best for them. .
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“Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added onto you.”
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I want to keep seeking God’s heart first. I want to walk the way that He has set before us and to walk it in confidence, not just for me - but for them, too. .
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And as I have often experienced, when we seek Him first, despite all the fears, failures, disappointments and sadness - He adds on all the things that we could ever want and yet never receive without Him - peace, confidence, security and joy. .
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In surrendering it all to Him, we enter fully into the abundant life of knowing Christ. There is no greater longing in my heart for my kids than for them to seek Christ. So maybe it starts with me seeking Him first, each and every day and believing with all my heart that He is good and His will is best.
Izzy’s first public school picture day. .
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She didn’t wear new clothes, nor did she care, because she loves her little yellow hippy outfit she has had for over a year. It’s well worn, but she is free and comfortable in it and that’s all she looks for in clothes.
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As I brushed her hair and put on her special necklace given to her by some Ga’dang ladies in the Philippines, I told her to pick out a hair clip. I had my eye on a little yellow clasp to match her shirt, but she picked the blue sparkly one that didn’t match, because it is from her Great Grandma Walton and that is way more important to her. .
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As she was looking for the hair clip, she found a little pin that says, “Jesus Saves” on it. “Oh Mama, I have to wear this so everybody will know how much I love Jesus.” .
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And I have to admit the thought passed through my head that wearing an old scratched up pin in an array of different colors from her outfit wasn’t what I had in mind for picture day. .
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The message of the world shouts loud and clear about how we should look and present ourselves, we are bombarded with it at every angle. As Mamas it is so hard not to pass on, even unintentionally, a message that is not according to God’s Word - it is the heart that matters. The eternal vs the temporal. .
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Catching Danny’s eye in the mirror I smiled and nodded, “Of course you can wear your little pin in your school picture. I love it that you want to show how much you love Jesus, and don’t let anyone talk you out of taking it off. That’s your choice.” .
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And off she went on the bus, with her sunny yellow top, her rainbow back pack, her blue hair clip, her Ga’dang necklace and her “Jesus Saves” pin and I don’t care how the picture turns out, because I am so glad just to see glimpses of her little heart and to point her always to Jesus. .
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I share this today, not to brag about Izzy, but because it hit me afresh the great responsibility we have to not just preach a message of truth, but to purpose to live out truth before our kids every moment of the day. We need to be transformed and sanctified by the Word of God so we are passing on a full and beautiful picture of walking with Jesus.
I found myself sitting at the table this morning, overwhelmed, stressed, feeling so unable and out of my depth for the task before me. I have never taught in this sort of a classroom setting before, and the form, the structure, the process, the homework assignments, the power points have given me some sleepless nights as I anticipate it all. .
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As I pulled up my seat, half hearted for the task, I caught some familiar faces in the reflection in the mirror; our dear friends, believers in Christ from the first village where we lived and ministered for 12 years. I remember loosing many sleepless nights then, too as we moved in to teach the Word of God, feeling so inadequate and out of my depth to teach in another culture and language. And yet, each day I would wake up asking God for wisdom and strength and He was faithful in every moment and situation. This morning I’d of given anything to be back there. .
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Sitting with a room full of ladies in a little jungle village, drinking coffee, sharing life and talking about the Lord had in many ways become my comfort zone. It was a familiar depending on the Lord and seeing His faithfulness in all things. .
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Sitting here this morning, I wonder why on earth the Lord has us here. There are so many things I do not know how to do and people who could do it so much better, and yet this is what the Lord still asks of me; obedience. .
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And as the Lord would have it, as I begin to study the Word this morning, the privilege of knowing Christ, belonging to Him and being continually in His presence floods my soul. When we look at a task, no matter what it is, or where it is, from a place of worship, we can give our whole hearts to it, not because it gets easier, but because our Saviour is worthy. The task suddenly feels lighter with the privilege to do anything for Jesus and excitement rises in my heart to see God at work again, at least within me. .
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As I take a break and enjoy my square of dark chocolate after lunch, I find myself humming and ready to continue, the form of the classroom still daunts me, but the privilege to depend on Jesus will always be my resting place. .
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