I have come to really dislike chickens. Sounds ridiculous I know, especially since I love baking, and to bake I need eggs, right? So maybe I need to think chickens = chocolate chip cookies. The thing is, I am really starting to dislike chickens at 5:45am in the morning. I expect them to crow to announce the arrival of a new day but I don’t expect them to be so intense and “wakey-upy-in-your-face” about it. Izzy and Judah are not big fans either, they wake them up too. Which is back to the real reason why I dislike the chickens. They get us all up, too early, and worse, all at the same time. I don’t get that 10 minutes alone to prepare myself for the day ahead and prepare myself for all the needs of my family that are before me. Since the babies came along my “quiet times” have moved from the morning time to the afternoons while they nap. Most days this is fine, it has become my new normal. This week though it hasn’t been so fine. I wake up and the day ahead feels like this:
Open space, alone time, time to think, pray and most of all just be with the Lord. Not to bring my huge needs list before Him or to ask for guidance and wisdom in all the ministry things that are heavy on our hearts, no just to listen to Him.
|Finding a pathway to freedom. 🙂|
Nothing dramatic, or life changing happened on the walk. Actually it was more a discipline of realizing my feelings about the things going on around me and then remembering that they are exactly that. Feelings. Feelings that are tossed to and fro, that lead us down paths and valleys that we don’t need to go. Fickle, often untrue, selfish and defensive. Truth is not that way. Thinking on truth and applying it to our lives right here and now is so liberating, but it can often be so difficult to do. Really do.
I see the needs around me still, but I realize, recognise and rejoice that I can’t and I am not asked to meet them all. I am just to be me, walking in light of who I am in Christ and allowing Him to work through me when and where He pleases.
This morning, after reading to Isabela while she lay on the floor, she fell asleep. When she woke up she was feeling better (rest is wonderful) and the first thing she said was, “Mama, Izzy is precious.” Yes, sweetheart you are, very precious indeed. She knows exactly who she is to me. She didn’t do anything today but sit at my feet and listen, she didn’t give me anything, help me with anything, she didn’t even know what she needed, but she knew where to come and she knew who she was. “Precious.” I love that.
We are so precious to the Lord as His children. He loves us unconditionally, wants us to walk in the freedom of who we are in Him. Yet sometimes we get so distracted with the doing and the outcomes, they burden us, and when they do, we know we have taken things (if even just a little) into our own hands and they aren’t meant to be there. Then, we hand it all back to the all-knowing, Creator of the world, who is working where I can’t see it, who has a plan beyond what I can comprehend and who is faithful, never changing and absolutely all powerful. Even just writing and saying that out loud, makes me laugh to think that I worry about things that are so outside of my control. No wonder I feel like I can’t see two steps ahead of me. I am not meant to!
I love the words of this old hymn….yes, I will gladly admit it, I am a lover of old hymns.
Jesus, I am resting, resting
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.
Jean Sophia Pigott
As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I will be satisfied with your likeness.
Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me…..Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.
I’ll finish with a few lighter moments in the week. 🙂
|This beautiful tree has been in bloom outside our bedroom window for over a month now.|
|Trees bring leaves….and Izzy is having fun picking them up.|
|This little man (with his dirty neck!) is 10 months old today! (April 13th)|
|It was “Sibling Day” apparently a few days ago. 🙂|
|It was an “interesting” afternoon when Izzy got into a bag of coffee beans…ate some….liked them and ate some more!|
|Baby Judah started saying, “Mama” this week. (Heart melt)|